Dear Father Christmas….

It’s the first of December today and I’m beginning to think about you and those reindeer of yours and presents and Christmas. I’ve got the turkey ordered, and a ham, and there will be nine of us for Christmas Day. So I was thinking…

Maybe I could have some of my presents in advance, please?

I’d like a couple of bright ideas for giving to the more difficult people on my list. You know, like mum-in-law, who is confined to a wheelchair and in a residential home. Not sure what she would like, but you’re obviously great on the presents front, so you must have a fund of ideas.

And while you’re on ideas, I could do with a few more for the Secret Santa presents I need to buy. One has to come from a charity shop and cost no more than a pound. That one certainly warrants your ingenuity.

Time is the next big thing. If you could see your way to stretching it out it bit, or adding a couple of days here and there, it would be great. Just a couple of hours while the rest of the world stands still maybe. You know all about that trick and it would be a great help, say a couple of times during December, so I can get some blogging and writing done without feeling too guilty. Then there’s the food shopping. I’ll need a couple of hours for that, while everyone else is standing still, so I can whizz around the supermarket and not have to queue.

And while you’re stretching out that time for me, I could do with a few extra hours on Christmas Eve. That way, I can get ahead with the preparation of the food and make sure all the presents are not just wrapped, but wrapped beautifully. You know, actually wearing all those pretty bows and things I made back in October. I’d rather not find them all again in February and realise that I slung the wrapping together and forgot the trimmings, like last year. And speaking of forgetting, please don’t let me forget what I did with any of the presents. There was that dreadful year when I bought them all early and put them away safely, only to realise I’d no idea what I’d done with them. Rushing out to buy another lot two days before was not restful.

Now, energy. I come complete with bag loads of it normally, enough to drive everyone around me mad, but at this time of year, it does tend to stretch a little thin. A couple of extra pounds each day just before Christmas would be great, plus maybe an extra dollop or two for Christmas morning itself.

If you haven’t decided I’ve asked for too much, then I would like to add something else. One of those big fancy digestive systems that will allow me to drink several glasses of wine, a flute of bubbly, eat loads of turkey and roast potatoes, half a ton of pud with lashings of brandy butter and still have room to tackle the chocolates. Nibbling on a rice cracker on Boxing Day with rampant indigestion wondering when I can take the next dose of Bisodol does rather spoil the festivities.

I think that’s about it. Oh yes, some perfume would be nice. One that comes in a gorgeous glass bottle to stand on the dressing table looking fabulous. What sort of scent? You know, anything pleasant. Some smell other than baby sick and dog poo. And a new pair of oven gloves for getting that turkey out.

Thanking you very much in anticipation,

Pat

 

 

 

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30 responses to “Dear Father Christmas….

  1. Time…I think everyone could use a bit more of that, right?

  2. Well, if you end up getting any extra of any of the above, be sure to send some my way…

  3. It made me chuckle. I think we’re all on planet Frantic at this time of year. I

  4. Make that ten for Christmas dinner…please….

    • How wonderful – I will lay the extra place… be brilliant to see you!! :-)

      • Hoping this won’t be off-putting but…I’m planning my trip “home” for next year. Staying close to Norwich to walk the Downs which is practically your neighbourhood. Will email you later if you think you might like to meet up.
        Raye

        • Staying close to Norwich? We are only about 25 miles from Norwich. It would be great to see you. Confused though, as not sure what you describe as the Downs. Norfolk doesn’t have much in the way of ups, so downs ?? not sure about them.
          However, it would be great to meet you. I look forward to your email letting me know when you’re coming.
          Brilliant…. :-)

          • YES!!!!!! BRILLIANT….INDEED!!
            The Norfolk Downs….walking trails…you know…? Actually…any trail will do…as long as it leads to a pub and a loo!!

          • Well we are almost on the border between Norfolk and Suffolk about twenty five miles south east of Norwich. So wherever you are off to in that general area we can find you – and there are plenty of pubs with loos!!!!

  5. Time, that is what I will ask for and, oh yes, a new improved foot!!

    • Not sure Santa deals in feet, but it’s always worth a try!! I’m sure he’ll come up with plenty of time for all of us. That is his business after all. :-)

  6. Time in every which way!!

  7. Lol! I could do with one of those big fancy digestive systems as well! :D

  8. Thanks for my morning smiled loved your post!

  9. Hey Pat, I’ve nominated you for the Reality award and the Shine On award. Please see my blog (maggiemendus.wordpress.com) for details. Have a great day.

  10. A great wish list. But why wish for more time just on Christmas Eve? Speaking as someone who just spent an entire weekend putting up lights on my house, I always need more time in December!

    • Hmm. I was rather hoping for early Christmas presents here. Lots of time before, during and after. Perhaps I should do a re-write. Or maybe Santa understands my problems????

  11. This was such a hilarious post! Great way to find the levity behind the stress of the holidays.

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