It’s the first of December today and I’m beginning to think about you and those reindeer of yours and presents and Christmas. I’ve got the turkey ordered, and a ham, and there will be nine of us for Christmas Day. So I was thinking…
Maybe I could have some of my presents in advance, please?
I’d like a couple of bright ideas for giving to the more difficult people on my list. You know, like mum-in-law, who is confined to a wheelchair and in a residential home. Not sure what she would like, but you’re obviously great on the presents front, so you must have a fund of ideas.
And while you’re on ideas, I could do with a few more for the Secret Santa presents I need to buy. One has to come from a charity shop and cost no more than a pound. That one certainly warrants your ingenuity.
Time is the next big thing. If you could see your way to stretching it out it bit, or adding a couple of days here and there, it would be great. Just a couple of hours while the rest of the world stands still maybe. You know all about that trick and it would be a great help, say a couple of times during December, so I can get some blogging and writing done without feeling too guilty. Then there’s the food shopping. I’ll need a couple of hours for that, while everyone else is standing still, so I can whizz around the supermarket and not have to queue.
And while you’re stretching out that time for me, I could do with a few extra hours on Christmas Eve. That way, I can get ahead with the preparation of the food and make sure all the presents are not just wrapped, but wrapped beautifully. You know, actually wearing all those pretty bows and things I made back in October. I’d rather not find them all again in February and realise that I slung the wrapping together and forgot the trimmings, like last year. And speaking of forgetting, please don’t let me forget what I did with any of the presents. There was that dreadful year when I bought them all early and put them away safely, only to realise I’d no idea what I’d done with them. Rushing out to buy another lot two days before was not restful.
Now, energy. I come complete with bag loads of it normally, enough to drive everyone around me mad, but at this time of year, it does tend to stretch a little thin. A couple of extra pounds each day just before Christmas would be great, plus maybe an extra dollop or two for Christmas morning itself.
If you haven’t decided I’ve asked for too much, then I would like to add something else. One of those big fancy digestive systems that will allow me to drink several glasses of wine, a flute of bubbly, eat loads of turkey and roast potatoes, half a ton of pud with lashings of brandy butter and still have room to tackle the chocolates. Nibbling on a rice cracker on Boxing Day with rampant indigestion wondering when I can take the next dose of Bisodol does rather spoil the festivities.
I think that’s about it. Oh yes, some perfume would be nice. One that comes in a gorgeous glass bottle to stand on the dressing table looking fabulous. What sort of scent? You know, anything pleasant. Some smell other than baby sick and dog poo. And a new pair of oven gloves for getting that turkey out.
Thanking you very much in anticipation,