Rejection. I am terrible at Rejection and it invariably leads to feelings of Dejection. A poetic couplet of wrist slitting misery. Not literally, don’t worry. (No razor blade to hand!)
Yes, rejected again. And this time without even the warning clunk of a manuscript hitting the doormat, since it was only the query letter and it was by email and by – shock horror – standard letter. And I thought I had gone beyond the query letter stage with this one, since it has had a thorough going over by several agents and been semi-favourably reviewed, but eventually pronounced ‘not for us’.
And I should be used to this feeling, because several of my books have been turned down, but I am not. Or maybe I am, but it just gets worse and not better. It has come at an inconvenient time too, since I had a lovely few days away, was feeling quite buoyant about life, the universe and writing, but as well as the non-audible thud of the dreaded email into my inbox, my blog stats seem to have taken a huge tumble too. So this morning I am feeling somewhat squashed. More squashed than Morning Pages can lift.
Which is a shame, because it is my birthday. How old? Not telling. Old enough, as my grandmother used to say.
So I have adopted the ‘abandon hope all ye who enter here’ philosophy and made a decision. I am too old, and have been at this too long to want to go through all this again. I am going to turn my back on traditional publishing and self-publish. It’s been in my mind for one of my books, but I’ve been chopping and changing my mind on this for months and have finally decided. However, this is just three days after writing on a blog comment (of an agent, oops!) that I am determined to go through the traditional route.
But I think this is a decision. So, I would be glad if you would wish me luck, because I have a feeling I will need it. And lots of tenacity and the will power to stick with social networks like Twitter, which are so time-consuming. I have just been having a conversation with Daniel Koeker of http://dkoeker.wordpress.com/2012/09/09/internet-a-culture-of-mutual-benefits/ on the value of Twitter and how to make it work, which I have yet to discover. And Sean O. Murphy of https://verynovel.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/build-a-better-brand-platform-30-day-challenge-day-10-3/suggested I Google my own name, which turned out to be a disaster. There are thousands of people out there called Pat Wood. Male as well as female. I may have to change my name.
Remember the game: change your name to the name of your first pet plus the name of the first road you lived in. Ahem – that leads me to introduce: Spring Lansdown. P-u-lleeese, no. Sounds like an out of work burlesque artist! Maybe not that. Maybe I shall just have to attach my real name to a book and work hard at getting both out there.
Meanwhile, I will have to lean upon the shoulders of my new, but very dear blogging friends, to get over my feelings of rejection and dejection! 😦