Continued from https://patwoodblogging.wordpress.com/2012/10/14/the-reason/
It was just a visit. There was nothing settled yet, but Mother said the legal details would be sorted soon and the next time Eva came, she would be staying.
She was nothing like me. I couldn’t see any way we could be twins. Mother said it’s because a boy and a girl can’t come from the same egg, so they could never be identical. I didn’t expect identical, but she was nothing like me. I didn’t expect her to be the image of my mother either. They both had that turned up nose, the wavy blonde hair and the stupid giggle.
‘You’re more like your father,’ Mother said. ‘You get more like him every day.’ I didn’t want to be like my father. I hated him. I hated them all.
How could two parents decide to separate and divide up a family, like it was a cake or a pizza? I was eight years old and already I had two lives and two families. My family, my real family, was Mother and me. My father died in a car crash and there was definitely no sister. I wanted that family back.
Eva cried a lot. I could hear her during the night and it made me smile. I wanted her to be unhappy and I wanted her to go away. I wanted things to be the way they were.
‘They can never go back to the way they were,’ my mother said. ‘I’ve missed Eva so much. I should never have let her go. She’s my baby and I have to have her with me.’ She cried then as well. On me. She held me really tight and made my shirt soggy. When Eva came in, she held us both and I wanted to be sick.
She was pushing me away. I could feel it. I thought it was probably because I reminded her of him. It wasn’t my fault I looked the way I did. It was her fault. I didn’t even blame him. She’d already pushed him away and now she was doing it to me.
Suddenly I hated her. I had loved her so much. Everything had been so perfect and now everything was messed up and I hated her. That was when I decided I would have to kill her.