Spammerwocky not Jabberwocky

I have to say that I am not a fan of Spam. Not the tinned variety, not the stuff that comes through my letter box or email, nor the assorted gubbins that is collected on my behalf by WordPress. I thank them profusely for saving me  from loads of inane and useless guff. Sometimes inane and senseless rude guff.

I have no desire to enlarge various items of my (often non-existent) anatomy, nor to purchase limitless amounts of trivial and idiotic items for my car/garage/workshop/wardrobe/make up drawer (drawer – make-up fits into the inside pocket of my handbag!). Far be it from me to suggest that people should have better things to do with their time than to gum up my inbox – I’d be a fine one to talk since I can waste a day or two with no problem – but my time-wasting is of a far better quality.

I wander delightedly amongst the blogs, collecting the buttercups of life. I devour on-line encyclopedias, seek out writing advice from the best authorities and chat effortlessly with new-found friends on social media. My procrastination culminates in tea, biscuits and a chatty phone call with a friend, or lunch with group of them.

I do not spend my time suggesting someone attach heavy weights to their appendages or buys the very latest in flat vacuum cleaners to extract the boiled egg from underneath the fridge. Why should there be boiled egg beneath my fridge anyway? As far as I am aware, no one lives under there and the last time I cooked a boiled egg was in 1983.

I do not require a four-wheeled wheelbarrow, a pebble-dashed front to my house or any specially priced tickets to see Nocturnal Ninjas meet the Loan Ranger on Speed. I have no need to take advantage of an over-21 identity card in order that I may buy alcohol at my local hostelry, nor do I require a Stana Stair Lift – not least because I live in a bungalow. And when one day (hopefully a long way off)  I reach the stage of needing a hoist for my bath, I hope I will not yet be a such a state of dotage that I cannot let my fingers walk over the keyboard to poke the words ‘bath’ and ‘hoist’ into Google.

In short, if I want to buy something, I am able to find out from whom and where to purchase it. I do not want Spam charging through my front door or invading my telephone –  can anyone tell me what use is Telephone Preference? No one seems to pay any attention to it.

Cold callers will get their butts frozen off on my doorstep and I have a strong desire to set fire to the junk mail we receive on Thursdays. Our postman saves it up for us. The recycle bin is emptied on Thursdays, so it can all go straight inside to begin the filling process again. Much of it goes straight from doormat to bin, unread. And if that isn’t a waste of trees, I don’t know what is.

But sometimes, just sometimes, the spam is mildly amusing and even flattering in a weird way. For instance, I received this recently:

Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to assert that I get in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

Charming isn’t it? Like something Lewis Carroll didn’t write. Shame it came from somewhere more Spammerwocky than Jabberwocky.

But at least it ended up in the WordPress spam and not my recycle bin.


28 responses to “Spammerwocky not Jabberwocky

  1. If they’re still doing it, some people must still be falling for it. I can’t imagine anyone who would use their spammed email account like a shopping list, but I don’t doubt that they exist.

    They can be really funny though. There’s some funny books on the subject by Neil Forsyth. He created a fiction character to converse with the spammers, getting them to jump through a number of hoops and listen to his maniacal mutterings. Good stuff.

    • I suppose a lot of people must be falling for it or, you’re right, it would all just stop.
      Like the sound of the Neil Forsyth character. Sounds like a great idea. Thank you for that. I will look out for it.

  2. I’ve found amusement works better than annoyance with spam – especially when it is caught safely by WordPress or my email spam filter. There are echoes of your sentiments in an older post of mine – not sure you’ve come across it:

    • Thank you – no I had not seen it before and will have a read. Some of them are quite funny, but some drive me mad. The ones WordPress catches are usually either silly or funny, but the ones who come on my telephone – Grr! I’m thinking of buying a loud whistle!!

  3. Thanks for the chuckle. That was a fun read and, of course, on target. Nicely done.

  4. LOL! I love the flattering SPAM sent from non-native English speakers(or robots)! It’s usually so amusing 🙂 The stuff for enlarging certain body parts I don’t actually have always gives me a chuckle too 😉

  5. oooooooo spam. My wife won’t let me buy any. She says it isn’t good for me. Sorry, I get distracted easily. 🙂

  6. Great post. Yes, ther must be some gullible people out there who keep these scams alive.
    Sorry, but I can’t stop – I’m busy chatting to a displaced Nigerian prince who has just offered me $10,321,321,333.23 to assist him with his frozen bank account. Poor man. Bye!

    • Oh – now I’m upset. That Nigerian prince said he was my special friend and he was going to give me 10% of all his money if I helped him out.
      What a turncoat! Wish I hadn’t given him my bank details now!


  7. If the spam turns out to be a scam or phishing, I’ll write about it to warn others. If it is a case of “English as she is spoke” I’ll occasionally hold that up to ridicule in a post as well.

    Right now I have a message from the FBI telling me my ATM card has arrived. Interesting since the FBI has no jurisdiction in Canada.

    Wonderful write 🙂

    • Thank you – and I have no messages from the FBI – very interesting!
      Most of it is quite funny – just sometimes it’s a scam or as you say phishing. It was actually the funny ones that provoked this.
      But I do get cross about the junk mail.
      That costs us money at all ends – we pay more for products because of the advertising – most of which ends up in the bin. And for the delivery because the postman is Royal Mail.
      And then we have to pay for the recycling of it. Grr!

  8. Oh spam, that wonderfully annoying spam. I like your take on the spam that clutters your inbox. I think you’ll get a kick out of the Spam Comment of the Week I have scheduled for Monday.

    I am surprised at the amount of junk mail that still makes it to my mailbox. I keep hearing about how the USPS is losing revenue because people aren’t using the post office as much, but I can’t tell based on the volume of physical mail I receive everyday. Thank goodness for recycle bins, indeed!

    • Agree with all that.
      But we pay for that recycling. I think the firm that generates it should pay.
      I used to send all the stuff back if it came in prepaid envelopes, but firms have stopped doing that so I can’t send it back to them any more and it goes in my recycle bin! Grr!

  9. Hear! Here! Amusing references to annoying, intrusive spam, junk mail advertising. Telephone recordings are simply the worst…

  10. I love this. I’ve had a few rippers before as well (unfortunately I’ve deleted them). 😀

    I have a ‘No Junk Mail’ sign on my letterbox and ever since I put it there I’ve received no junk mail. Amazing!!! 😀

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